To freeze or not to freeze..... that's not really the question.

This was going to initally be about the freezer that broke and then mysteriously mended itself ( as they do in the mothers home). As I thought about it though it has become more than that. Really to me it is about loosing a parent whilst they are still here. It happened with Dad, and it broke my heart. Now, we are loosing Mum. Slowly, for sure, but the Mum I knew as Mum, on a weekly basis disapears.

When she is being a pain and I am the none too patient daughter it is easy to forget the person that she was. The one whose girls were never in the wrong, the one who would fight to the death for them. Who would listen for hours about dates, evenings out, problems, joys. Who gave away hugs and cuddles freely. Who cooked so well, whose house was always open. Who would let you have anything she had. Who never worried or cared about anything. Who could knit and sew. Who was an example of compassion and service. She did silly things like lock herself out or walk home leaving the car at the shops forgetting she had taken it.

Now, she can bearly hear you on the phone, now she hardly eats and never cooks. Now she can mainly only focus on herself, now she worries and frets. She still likes hugs.She can at times still be caring and compassionate.Now she can not see well enough to sew or workout a knitting pattern. Now the 'silly' actions are a worry not funny.

Now we are the parent and she is the child.

So, you love the 'new' Mum. You try to remember the old whilst holding you patience and trying to stop you heart from snapping.You are not sure how this will end, but you have been there before.

Never before has it been more true that only when you are in this situation can you understand it.

I am sure the next blog will be back to the giggles.........that is they way Mum original would want it.